An alarm clock stuck in wall for 13 years would make me lose my fucking mind

Source– PITTSBURGH — Every day. The alarm clock stuck inside the wall continues to ring. Since September 2004, an alarm clock hidden inside the wall of a home near Pittsburgh goes off every evening.

But why? Well, the homeowner has himself to blame.

Jerry Lynn told KDKA he tied the clock to a string, set it to go off 10 minutes later and lowered it down an air vent to help him find the spot to drill for a television wire. Soon after he lowered the clock, the string broke and the clock fell inside the wall.

“I thought, well, that’s not a real problem,” Lynn told KDKA. “You know it’s still going to go off. And it did.” During daylight saving time, the clock goes off every day at 7:50 p.m. ET (6:50 p.m. ET during standard time).

Before I go off on this dude, I will say that he figured out one pretty ingenious way to a mark a hole. Dropping an alarm down and listening for the sound may seem dumb as fuck but to someone with excellent hearing like this guy it probably worked like a charm and he was able to pinpoint where to drill…. until the absolute unexpected happened and the string broke, stranding that poor alarm clock behind the wall. Now maybe for the first few times, it goes off it’s like alright maybe itll die soon and you ignore it. BUT AFTER 13 YEARS, with that thing fucking ringing in the wall at 7:50 pm EVERY NIGHT I’m either busting that wall down with my bare fists or I’m moving a minimum 3 square miles away. It’s not like this thing is going off in the middle of the day when your out of your house, it’s at 7:50 PM EVERY NIGHT. Finishing up some jeopardy or news or whatever the fuck this type of person watches every night and then hearing…BEEEP… BEEEP… BEEEP…or maybe even worse its one of those that goes BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. And how the fuck does it get turned off?! does it just stop after a certain amount of time? I would have no idea cause I am not psychotic enough to let my alarm go past 30 seconds without having a small freakout but this guy must just wait for it every night at this point. Like a cold beer after work or a good fuck on an anniversary, this guy waits for 7:49 PM every day just say he can sit up against the wall waiting for those BEEPS to come in right on time. -( . )

PS. The real astonishment comes when you think about the fucking batteries. What does he have standard Duracells in there? If these things are lasting for 13 years let me be the first to cop a 24 pack of these mufss. Lemme know man.

Is Google racist? The answer is yes.

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As any good American does, I was taking my lack of knowledge to Google to see if I could find the female comedian that I couldn’t put a name to. I knew she was white so as any good googler would do I started with a simple search for “white female comedians”. Imagine the fucking awe I experienced when I was only returned with 2 names in the quick search thingy (shown above). Ellen DeGeneres and fucking Laraine Newman. Only 2 white, female comedians in the world according to the globe’s leading search engine. Now with me being curious like a cat ( I have a couple of friends that call me whiskers; h/t Harry Caray) I obviously had to check the other side of the spectrum and google “black female comedians”. Take a guess how many it showed me in the top bar. Go ahead, I’ll wait………………over 25 women fucking showed up… don’t believe me just watch.

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How is that possible?! I can think of more white comedians than the ones they have listed and I’ve never even seen some of the people they have listed as African American comedians. Maybe Google is out here trying to compensate to show they aren’t racist towards African Americans but damn, you could at least update the white females page from fucking 2005. Like not even Amy Schumer is on there? She’s THE white female comedian right now and she doesn’t even get a mention? That is some BULLSHIT. Get your shit together Google. I ended up finding who I was looking for (it was Natasha Leggero) but I had to actually go into the first webpage, wasting my expensive fucking data and my precious time, when she could have appeared in the top 30 quick results. Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Anna Chlumsky, Lena Dunham, Samantha Bee, Ilana Glazer, Amy Poehler, Kristen Schaal, Ellie Kemper, NOT EVEN FUCKING SARAH SILVERMAN. Simply no excuse for this multi-billion dollar company to turn a blind eye to some of their algorithms or whatever the fuck kind of sorcery powers these things. I demand justice for those white female comedians that are robbed of the opportunity to tell everyone that the Google lords deem them white female comedians. If not met with swift and appropriate corrections there will be an uprising, I can already see it forming with the way America reacts and protests. Unlike most other protests though, you can catch me leading the charge with my “Fuck Google, Where’s Lougle?” signs in hand. -( . )

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NBA & NHL championships coinciding coincidence? I think not.

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One of the biggest storylines in the last decade for basketball has been Lebron James. As a youngin coming in the league he had to do what he could to prove himself and now as a solidified legend in this game he goes for his 2nd title against the Warriors. This is Round 3, the big battle, and taking a backseat to this monstrous event was the NHL playoffs and the Stanley Cup. As a series of home wins, the Cup was fought back and forth and the Penguins were able to turn the Predators into their prey and take the ‘ship in 6 games. This makes it back to back Stanley Cup winning seasons for the Penguins which is exceptionally rare in hockey. So much it has only happened 4 times in the last 30 years. The Red Wings in ’97 & ’98, the Pens again in ’91 & ’92 and the Oilers in ’87 & ’88. Now oddly enough these years happen to also be years when the NBA champion has won back to back titles…interesting…

And to add fire to the ridiculously high flames of the whole ‘JORDAN VS BRON’ debate two of these back to back champions that coincided with the NHL were led by none other than the OG himself. IS this just destiny? fate? whatever you want to call it is is a very big coincidence and I am not putting anyting past the best player in the fucking league right now. Only 1 team in history has come back from a 3-1 deficit in the finals and only one team has ever given up a 3-1 lead to lose the finals and both are playing on the court tonight, just saying. Cavs in 7. -( . )

Technology makes planes disappear, facts.

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Source–  Rescuers pulled 29 bodies from the sea off Myanmar‘s southern coast on Thursday, after a military plane went missing with 122 soldiers, family members and crew, prompting bitter tears from several relatives of those aboard.

Twenty-one adults and eight children were among the bodies found in the Andaman Sea near the coastal town of Launglon by navy and civilian ships, the military said on its official page on social media site Facebook. Many bodies had fragmented into several pieces and no victim wearing a life jacket has yet been recovered, said Hla Thein, one of those directly involved in the rescue.

It could very easily just be ignant but how in the hell do planes still disappear or vanish in this day and age? with all the technology this world possesses you should be able to facetime someone the entire flight. From the Indian Air Force flight An-32 in 2016 and the Malaysia Airlines Flight 320 in 2014, it seems like as technology gets better these massive metal birds disappear more often. Now this is a tragedy as they have already found bodies and most likely will not find any survivors but it doesn’t change the fact these flights are just losing communication out of nowhere, never to be heard from again. And how come it’s always a foreign airline that goes missing? There’s either never been an American based plane disappearance or I’ve just never heard of it and as I type this I realize I probably should have done my research first, but you can’t dwell on the past. Are we just hoarding all the good planes and leaving everyone else to fight for a plane that won’t just sporadically lose communication? I don’t know but keep it ‘merica as long as I don’t go missing I’ll be happy. -( . )

Eminem proves you can do anything if you just believe

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Eminem has worked his entire life for this moment. He has officially had a word entered in the Oxford dictionary because of a song he wrote. “Stan”, from his song “Stan”, about an obsessed fan named Stan has been given an exact definition and solidified in the ink of the dictionary. Now I’m gonna be honest, I’ve never actually said this or even had it said to me so maybe bigger cities use it more but this came way out of left field for me. Now that I’m aware doe….imma be a stan of everything I used to be a fan for. I stan for the Packers (Go Pack Go), I stan for water,  fuck being a fan, thats pussy shit. Through his entire career, Eminem has won numerous Grammys, Globes, academys, blowjobs, etc but I truly think that this is what he has been aiming for his entire career. Its no secret that he used to just read the dictionary as a young wanna-be rapper to expand his vocabulary and while reading that dictionary he probably made a mission for himself to someday be in the very book he is reading. And now he’s done it, King Em, all hail.  So now that this is actually a word I am all in on it and you should be too.

Be a stan, not a fan. -( . )

Man’s man doing man’s work in defiance of mother nature

SourceA breathtaking photo captured a Canadian man casually mowing his lawn as a massive tornado whirled around in the distance.

Cecilia Wessels said she was at her home in Three Hills, Alberts, on Friday when she snapped the now-viral photo of her determined husband.

“The tornado was about 2km (1.24 miles) from us moving eastwards. There was very little wind at our back yard and not even rain. It was just very hot,” she told HuffPost on Sunday by email. “It was a shocker to see something like this but my husband was calm, the whole street was out taking pictures and well, staying calm was the thing to do.”  

Wessels told Edmonton station Sonic 102.9 that she was taking a nap when the storm started blowing in, causing her 9-year-old daughter to panic.

“She says, ‘Mommy, mommy, please wake up. There’s a thing in the sky, it looks like a tornado, and Daddy doesn’t want to come inside,’” she recalled. “We said to him, ‘Are you coming inside?’ And he’s like, ‘No, the wind turned. We’re fine!’”

Her husband, identified as Theunis Wessels, repeated this carefree attitude to the Canadian Press: “I was keeping an eye on it.”

“It looks much closer if you look in the photo, but it was really far away. Well, not really far, far away, but it was far away from us,” he added.

We have all been there. You got something to do and by golly, you’re gonna get it done! This man is no different. I’m sure he planned on doing his lawn all week and there is no way some stupid fuckin tornado is gonna prevent that from happening. This is a man’s man doing some yard work and going in for a beer after, only this time there happened to be a spinning death trap of wind a few kilometers away. Nevermind the fact that his 9-year-old daughter was begging him to get inside so she wouldn’t have to live with the image of him getting sucked away, he had his eye on it. That is a man of experience and a man I would trust to keep me safe in time of tornados. Let’s not forget that this is Canada we are talking about here. I’m sure their tornados are just as nice as their people. If it were to get too close just give it a quick, “Hey guy, would ya mind spinning somewhere else, eh?” Love it. Calm, cool, collected. Get this man the tallest beer in the house. -( . )

Dave Portnoy: Not a businessman, he’s a business, man.

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Barstools Sports, Inc. has been under fire as of late for a blog post that was posted by one of their bloggers named Spags who was hired to not be that of a comedic face of the company but to rather draw “click bait”. Click bait is just weird, funny, interesting shit that gets people to click but what he posted was no such thing. He posted an article featuring a picture of Rihanna looking like she had gained a few pounds and proceeded to viciously rip into her with a plethora of insults. After hearing of this article being posted and the small backlash the was already ensuing, Dave Portnoy, aka El Presidente aka Davey Pageviews, the founder of Barstool made the executive decision to take the post down. After issuing a statement explaining his well-reasoned thought process behind deleting the post, he continued to receive negative criticism and backlash against his company as a whole. Cosmo magazine even featured a post condemning the Barstool site as a whole but this is just another way to show how the media tends to only tell half of the story.

I feel like I’m taking crazy pills over here but can no one see that he made a business decision ( the correct one ) and did what he did for the good of Barstool. He is getting assaulted by a two-front war with the feminists and what not like Cosmo mag on one side and idiotic stoolies on the other. Cosmo had a post titled “Garbage Sports Site Fat-Shames Rihanna,  Follows Up With Garbage Apology” and it contained a bunch of one sided shit blaming the Barstool site as a whole. Pres has said time and time again since this started that Spags was never hired to do on-the-line blogs like this and when he, as a minor blogger, posted this it was immediately looked upon like it came out of Dave’s mouth on live tv. He denounced this article and explained as clearly as he could that it was not funny and just mean-spirited for being the reason it was removed. This is a comedic and satirical blog site and that was neither so the only logical option is to remove it. And then they start to attack his statement, which they labeled an apology, saying it is not sincere enough. Who gives a fuck, he runs a company and made a business decision like any other good owner would. He didn’t defend this article because it lacked any merit to do so. Plain and simple.  

And the fuckin stoolies that are trying to rip on Pres and Barstool for changing what it believes in or whatever that bullshit is, just stop. If you dont see why this is the most obvious and logical move out there then put your fuckin head back in the sand. Any venture must evolve as it grows and looks to expand. This isn’t Dave hustlin papers by himself anymore, they have a global reach and impress thier contents upon millions of people a day and as cliche as it is, with great power comes great responsibility and Dave has accepted that responsibility in stride. Why you ask? He’s a born leader of men. Barstool is by the common man, for the common man and always will be.  -( . )

#viva

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