Is Google racist? The answer is yes.

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As any good American does, I was taking my lack of knowledge to Google to see if I could find the female comedian that I couldn’t put a name to. I knew she was white so as any good googler would do I started with a simple search for “white female comedians”. Imagine the fucking awe I experienced when I was only returned with 2 names in the quick search thingy (shown above). Ellen DeGeneres and fucking Laraine Newman. Only 2 white, female comedians in the world according to the globe’s leading search engine. Now with me being curious like a cat ( I have a couple of friends that call me whiskers; h/t Harry Caray) I obviously had to check the other side of the spectrum and google “black female comedians”. Take a guess how many it showed me in the top bar. Go ahead, I’ll wait………………over 25 women fucking showed up… don’t believe me just watch.

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How is that possible?! I can think of more white comedians than the ones they have listed and I’ve never even seen some of the people they have listed as African American comedians. Maybe Google is out here trying to compensate to show they aren’t racist towards African Americans but damn, you could at least update the white females page from fucking 2005. Like not even Amy Schumer is on there? She’s THE white female comedian right now and she doesn’t even get a mention? That is some BULLSHIT. Get your shit together Google. I ended up finding who I was looking for (it was Natasha Leggero) but I had to actually go into the first webpage, wasting my expensive fucking data and my precious time, when she could have appeared in the top 30 quick results. Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Anna Chlumsky, Lena Dunham, Samantha Bee, Ilana Glazer, Amy Poehler, Kristen Schaal, Ellie Kemper, NOT EVEN FUCKING SARAH SILVERMAN. Simply no excuse for this multi-billion dollar company to turn a blind eye to some of their algorithms or whatever the fuck kind of sorcery powers these things. I demand justice for those white female comedians that are robbed of the opportunity to tell everyone that the Google lords deem them white female comedians. If not met with swift and appropriate corrections there will be an uprising, I can already see it forming with the way America reacts and protests. Unlike most other protests though, you can catch me leading the charge with my “Fuck Google, Where’s Lougle?” signs in hand. -( . )

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Manziel, Kaepernick, & RGIII belong to one CFL team in genius move by Tiger-Cats

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Source– In these carefree spring days, the dominant NFL story revolves around a trio of well-known quarterbacks who appear unwanted and unloved. And so we’re left to consider this previously reported development: One team in the Canadian Football League has hoarded the rights to all of them. 

By CFL rules, the Hamilton Tiger-Cats would have the first shot at signing Colin Kaepernick, Robert Griffin III and/or Johnny Manziel if any of them decide to play in Canada. The Tiger-Cats have placed all three on their “negotiation list,” the CFL’s method for allocating international players, and Manziel has even been used as part of a fledging marketing campaign.

There are no indications that any of the trio is ready to make the jump to a league in which the minimum salary is about $40,000. Remember, Vince Young signed with the Saskatchewan Roughriders — reportedly for about $89,000 annually — only after spending five years away from the NFL. And the Tiger-Cats already have one of the CFL’s most established starting quarterbacks in Zach Collaros, a former University of Cincinnati star who turns 29 this summer. But the organization recently began publicizing some of the names on what is ordinarily a confidential list, highlighting Manziel specifically in a video released to VIP fans. And Young’s migration reminded the football world that careers don’t have to end when NFL teams stop calling. “We think Zach is the most dynamic quarterback in our league,” Tiger-Cats CEO Scott Mitchell said. “He’s aware of how important he is to us, but at quarterback, you can never have enough. If Johnny Manziel ever felt that the CFL was an option, I think we all understand he would have great value and what kind of player he could be in our league.”

ABSOLUTE GENIUSES. The Hamilton Tiger-Cats have claimed the rights to Johnny Football, RGIII and Colin Kap in case they ever decide to go to the CFL because the NFL has banished them figuratively. Granted the salaries aren’t as high in the CFL but if it’s between getting a real job or playing football for close to 6 figs minimum I am down, 100 and 50 fucking percent. I think anyone would be, you mean I can play a game and make as much as I would be staring at a computer and dying in these spreadsheets? Count me in. 

If I was a CFL team I would be claiming everybody that gets scandaled out of the NFL or doesnt perform up to their expected standards. It doesn’t hurt you to claim them and you have legal dibs on them if they ever decide to come to the North Country. That’s a  no brainer and kudos to this team for figuring out the system. But on the other hand, why the fuck are they going around telling everyone who they’ve claimed? Usually, they are kept private but this team is just telling everyone who they got rights on. Maybe other teams will catch on and start claiming rights but also maybe one of these QBs see’s this and thiinks about going up to Canada when they hadnt really considered it before? Hmm, only time will tell. -( . )

 

 

Company makes beer specifically for drinking in the shower, aka pointless

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Source– Two Swedish companies – brewery PangPang and creative firm Snask – have teamed up to create the drink, aptly named Shower Beer. Sold in a small 6oz bottle that closely resembles a bath product, the beer is a strong-as-hell 10% pale ale – perfect for those getting ready to go out in a hurry. 

The beer is intended to be consumed in just three sips, so there’s no need to worry about running the water off while you drain the bottle – although there’s still the danger of grabbing the wrong product and necking down some shampoo instead. 

Snask describes the drink as “something that could kickstart the night and act as your power up while fixing your hair while listening to Dressed For Success on repeat”.

The beer is only available in Sweden and the first batch sold out instantly, but the good news is more is on the way. For more information, check out the Snask website.

This shit is the classic bullshit rebrand that companies try to pull where they take a product that has already been created, designed it for essentially the same purpose, and try to sell it. How are you gonna try to tell me that I need a specific beer to go in the shower with? Sure its 10% but I can grab something stronger if I want to switch it up from my blue lights. Fuck, I’ll just have 2 in the shower for that fact. Im sure I can crush my two lights before you put down your 10% IPA, no doubt. You can literally bring ANY BEER OR BEVERAGE you want in the shower so why in the hell am I gonna waste my money on one that kind of looks like a soap bottle? You want me to be playing Russian roulette every time I try to grab a chug or soap myself up? That’s just nonsense and I won’t stand for it. Keep that shit in Sweden, America brought its own brings its own beer to the party. -( . )