Buffalo Bills confirm they are the most depressing roller coaster of a franchise to root for

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CBSsports Anquan Boldin‘s stint with the Bills didn’t last long. Less than two weeks after signing a one-year deal with the Bills, Boldin is retiring.

The news was first reported by ESPN’s Jim Trotter on Sunday night. Shortly after, Boldin released a statement through Trotter. Here’s what it said:

Football in its purest form is what we all strive for as a nation. People from all difference races, religions and backgrounds working together for one shared goal. The core values taught in football are some of the most important you can learn in life. To always be there for the guy next to you and not let your fellow man down. You do whatever it takes to make sure your brother is OK.

Football has afforded me a platform throughout my career to have a greater impact on my humanitarian work. At this time, I feel drawn to make the larger fight for human rights a priority. My life’s purpose is bigger than football.

This is such a Buffalo Bills move it almost pains me to have to write about it. Being from upstate NY, I was fortunately saved from Buffalo fandom fan by my grandma somehow being a Packers fan but living here my entire life I still manage to have a small piece of my heart set aside for this storied franchise. Just when the fan base is making some moves and attempting to start the rebuilding process for the upcoming years. BAM. The unexpected ensues and sure enough, the Buffalo fans are already looking to grab any excuse or rationalization they can find. I’m certainly not standing here pretending that Anquan Boldin was gonna be the savior that the Bills need but it’s the style of team management that is showing alterations and hopefully allowing them to compete in their conference. Making the moves to essentially trade their “best” player in Sammy Watkins and their best corner in Ronald Darby for some picks, EJ Gaines, and Jordan Matthews may not look like a good move at first glance but diving a little deeper it’s easy to see how this was more than beneficial for the Bills. Sammy was an absolute BUST of a pick in a draft that produced O’Dell Beckham, Mike Evans, and Jeff Janis all AFTER Sammy was picked, it’s pretty safe to say that Sammy Watkins is the worst pick they could have gone with. (Obviously, Janis is not at the level that the other 2 are but my Packers bias seeps in and at least we got more games out of him this year than they have with Sammy since he was drafted.) If passing up on those 2 weren’t bad enough lemme throw another wild ride your way… Jordan Matthews, the very same one the Bills just picked up with their trade of EJ Gaines, was drafted in the second round (pick 42 to be exact) in said draft. Yea. Sip that one down with some cool irony. Still thirsty? Jordan Matthews (brought in to relieve highly-sought after talent Sammy Watkins) injures himself with a chipped bone somewhere on his body. No idea where and I don’t really care, the only chip I care about is the one on your shoulder and if this is a player that take days off with a chip “injury” then he’s no player of mine. Originally thought to be a good pick up by me, it pains me to see if die in my eyes but if he’s this injury prone in the fucking preseason then I’m sure he’ll be as injury prone as Sammy was in the season and produce 0 value. Noice. 

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It seems they might have noticed that they didn’t receive as much from this trade as needed and decided to pick-up and old once-was in Anquan Boldin, whose yards have been declining to the point where he is aiming for a >500 yard season this year. I mean it’s basically like trying to get out of a hole by grabbing a limpy root. Looks reliable at first, maybe enough to support your weight so you jump up and grab. Now in the back of your head somewhere you knew this thing could break but you didn’t wanna believe it. So there’s no fuckin you can be surprised when it fucking snaps and you come falling down. The guy retires after less than 2 weeks for a more humanitarian way of living. I gotta think how shitty it must have been in Buffalo for him to up and leave after less than TWO WEEKS and walk away from a $4 million dollar paycheck potentially. Like they say where there’s smoke there’s fire, maybe this is some foreshadowing for bad events in Buffalo. Boldin saw the smoke and wasn’t waiting around for the fuckin fire. There are random rumors spreading of McCoy getting traded as well so who knows what the hell is happening over in the 716 but I hope for the tailgate sake that they assemble some sort of competitive team to make this season a little respectable. Any other team’s fanbase would have died out long ago but the Bills Mafia is a loyal crazy, hardworking, group of individuals but like any fanbase… they need results. -( . )

PS. LIVE Tailgate analysis will be coming to at @SFFTit on twitter for the season opening Bills tailgate at New Era field on Sun, September 10th. Be ready for a rowdy one.

Is Google racist? The answer is yes.

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As any good American does, I was taking my lack of knowledge to Google to see if I could find the female comedian that I couldn’t put a name to. I knew she was white so as any good googler would do I started with a simple search for “white female comedians”. Imagine the fucking awe I experienced when I was only returned with 2 names in the quick search thingy (shown above). Ellen DeGeneres and fucking Laraine Newman. Only 2 white, female comedians in the world according to the globe’s leading search engine. Now with me being curious like a cat ( I have a couple of friends that call me whiskers; h/t Harry Caray) I obviously had to check the other side of the spectrum and google “black female comedians”. Take a guess how many it showed me in the top bar. Go ahead, I’ll wait………………over 25 women fucking showed up… don’t believe me just watch.

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How is that possible?! I can think of more white comedians than the ones they have listed and I’ve never even seen some of the people they have listed as African American comedians. Maybe Google is out here trying to compensate to show they aren’t racist towards African Americans but damn, you could at least update the white females page from fucking 2005. Like not even Amy Schumer is on there? She’s THE white female comedian right now and she doesn’t even get a mention? That is some BULLSHIT. Get your shit together Google. I ended up finding who I was looking for (it was Natasha Leggero) but I had to actually go into the first webpage, wasting my expensive fucking data and my precious time, when she could have appeared in the top 30 quick results. Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Anna Chlumsky, Lena Dunham, Samantha Bee, Ilana Glazer, Amy Poehler, Kristen Schaal, Ellie Kemper, NOT EVEN FUCKING SARAH SILVERMAN. Simply no excuse for this multi-billion dollar company to turn a blind eye to some of their algorithms or whatever the fuck kind of sorcery powers these things. I demand justice for those white female comedians that are robbed of the opportunity to tell everyone that the Google lords deem them white female comedians. If not met with swift and appropriate corrections there will be an uprising, I can already see it forming with the way America reacts and protests. Unlike most other protests though, you can catch me leading the charge with my “Fuck Google, Where’s Lougle?” signs in hand. -( . )

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